Rant Alert!!

What do I want to do when I grow up?? I don’t know. It’s hard when you don’t have any ambitions. I once thought I would be a car designer. I couldn’t hack it as a REAL artist, so I had to abandon that dream. Then I thought about Civil Engineering, and Engineering as a career in general. I loved the Idea but when I barely passed remedial math in high school that was decided for me. Besides, I really didn’t want to be in school for 6 years. I thought what’s left, well there is this auto restoration school. I decided I’d go there and figure out what I wanted to do later.

It’s now Later and all I know is what I spent 4 years getting is neither what I’m good at nor what I actually want to do. Now I’m thinking about running, not because I’m any good at it or have shown any particular propensity for running long distances FAST(in fact quite the opposite, I can run forever at a slow pace.)but because I love it. I do run long, I do train hard, I do love running but ultimately being a professional athlete is not something you decide to do and then do it. You can have the best work ethic in the world but if you don’t have natural born genetic talent you’ll never win, which is what I want to do.

So what else, I thought about coaching but again you actually have to be a good athlete if you want to have clients. I really don’t know nothing catches my fancy that I’m also good at. I’m mediocre at best at everything that I do. I have to work my ass off for every little advancement in any given area of my life, and these advancements to me seem huge, but other people don’t notice and still comment on how I under perform. So what am I supposed to do I love to travel, but I’m absolutely scared of other people, not because they are dangerous, or untrustworthy, I have in fact found the opposite is true everywhere I go but that I’m terrified of actually having to talk about myself to others. I usually get horribly insulted, that has been the rule, not the exception. The same has been true everywhere I’ve lived; Europe, the east coast, the Midwest, the northeast, a tourism job is out.

So what the heck am I going to do. I’ve been out of work for 7 months now trying to figure out what I really want to do. I’m no closer to figuring that out than I was 7 months ago. I’ve tried getting work in a bike shop but apparently 4 years of auto restoration does not make me qualified to work on bicycles. It sucks, I have two degrees, one in technology, and one it history and neither is a viable career option. I love history but I’m not willing to suffer through grad school just so I can get a shitty job at some community college for the rest of my life. To do anything with history you need a PHD from a top school, known the world over for its history program. I really don’t know what to do because apparently the only thing I’m good at is intellectual thought and manual labor, neither of which excite, or inspire me.

I’m honestly considering the HOBO option, that is drop out of society and float around for a while. It seems like my only real option considering I’m either over qualified for a job or under experienced. Seems like a Damn conspiracy against 20 somethings! I’d love to move out of the country but you have to have a job in the country you move to first!

So what’s the conclusion of all this? Beats me, I still don’t know what I’m going to do and no one seems willing or able to hook me up. Those of you who actually have good jobs out of college are very lucky. Seems like my only choice is to beg for a McDonald's job at $6.00 an hour!

What a Fucking lie, you go to college get your degree and you get a good job. That was what colleges and my parents sold to me. Turns out the job is only never guaranteed and is only available to you if you have connections and a willingness to lie, steal, break the rules, and love the stock market. I went to a job interview, with a company I will not mention for fear of being sued.

The interview included a day where you would go along and help out to see if it’s what you wanted to do. So I go and do it, the job description included “work in sports marketing, with major organizations,” the reality was it was a door to door salesman job selling trinkets from the major sports leagues, not what I wanted to do but a job is job. The company, showed me how to sell, they said present it as if you were representing a charity organizations and if the customers would donate to the “charity” they would get the product. They took cash “donations” posing as a “Charity.” Quite illegal, they asked me is this something that you want to do I say NO WAY!!!

They said ok well good luck. Problem is I got a ride from one of the “Salesman” out to some small Wisconsin town like 50 miles from where my car was and they told me they would not give me a ride back unless I accepted the job. I had to hitch hike back. Luckily wearing a suit and tie I didn’t look like mass murder and was able to get a ride. Is this really the way America works!!! Lets cheat, and steal our way to riches! That should be the motto on the dollar bill not “In God We Trust.”

but I digress…

So what am I really going to do? This experience and others like it has soured my desire to work at all. Why the hell should I compromise my morals just to get and keep a job!?! I’d rather be a pauper than work for the American corporate machine. Well, I guess the search continues, hopefully I will eventually find a job. Something I’m both good at and Love to do.